Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize