I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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