no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
