i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
