That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
