True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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