Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if only i could text you this smell
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
