Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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