so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
