Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
