I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You may now shotgun with the bride
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
