just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
