Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
