I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
