Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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