do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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