Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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