I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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