I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
