Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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