Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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