Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
