i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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