I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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