Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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