he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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