I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
