Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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