im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
