dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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