Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
