Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
