you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
