oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
