first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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