I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
