12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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