4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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