he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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