So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
