She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
