True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
