He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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