god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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