It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
