onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize