i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
