Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
