We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
