Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Randomize
