Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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