were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
