Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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