if you like me you must not know who I am
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
