Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I still have a little drunk in my system
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
