yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
