Me too!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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