i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
