Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
