just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
