They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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