just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
