I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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