proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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