Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
