Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
