Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
