nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize