I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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