Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
