Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
