Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
